July 20, 2016

mid week funk

I woke up this morning in a funk. So I did what any emotionally unstable 20-something would do: wander around a big box store until you feel okay again. 

I tried on bras, looked at clearance clothes, wandered through the back to school aisles. I found Jones soda and squealed because I usually can never find it anywhere. It was the bright moment today where it clicked and something went right. 

When I was standing in the checkout line, I was behind an older woman in a wheelchair with her daughter and granddaughter in the checkout line. Watching the three of them interact with each other made me tear up because of how much I miss her. It reminded me of grocery shopping with my mom and grandma and made me nostalgic for my childhood.

I went for a drive and sat at the park for a while because I didn't want to go home yet. Everything feels so heavy and broken and raw. Getting out of bed feels like a chore. Showering and eating and going to bed at a decent time all feel like these utterly impossible tasks. I'm exhausted and I'm anxious and I'm depressed right now. Things can only go up from here, I guess. 

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