August 03, 2016

august is a weird month


I always have mixed feelings over the last month of summer. Everything feels like it's ending, and nobody wants to go back to school and nobody wants to go to work. We all just want one last month of eternal summer before we have to look responsibility in the eye and either sink or swim in its wake. 

Last summer, I declared I was taking the last half of August off. I didn't pressure myself to share anything here or any other social media platform. And then my grandma ended up on the hospital and was treated for pneumonia. We got kicked out of our apartment and had to move back in with Justin's parents. It seemed like every bad thing happened all at once and I almost completely shut down. I became thankful for my break because it gave me space to breathe. 

This summer took me by surprise. In June, when I called my dad on Father's Day, he informed me that he was in the hospital for chest pain but when they ran tests, they found a spot on his liver. It's cancer. When I went home in June, it was all for the purpose of seeing my dad.  

shoved down my fear of driving in downtown Milwaukee where I've never driven before, and went to see my padre during the scariest time of his life. I felt so crippled because it felt like my dad needed me to be strong for him and I always felt like I fell just a little bit short. It's weird coming to terms with your own parents mortality, and realizing that one day they won't be there to help you. It's actually something I'm still struggling to come to terms with. 

I also miss my grandma. The anniversary of her death is approaching faster than I can change my calendar pages, signifying that I have done the impossible and survived without her in my life. I'm struggling to cope with my grief right now in light of her anniversary. If losing my grandma has taught me anything, it's that time spent with your loved ones is not wasted time. 

Call your parents today. Call your grandparents. Call your best friends.  Tell them you love them. Tell them how much they mean to you, because you never know when you're not going to get that chance to anymore. 

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