we'll get there

My motto for this year has been "We'll get there."

Not being able to find an apartment that allows cats AND is close to work. We'll get there. 

Had to cancel Justin's surgery because we couldn't come up with the money. We'll get there. 

Stepped on my glasses and a lens fell out and now I really can't put off getting new ones. We'll get there. 

Remember that we're engaged and all of our previous wedding plans fell through because my grandma died the day after the date we wanted. We'll get there. 

All of this to say... I had an anxiety attack this morning. I had to go to work after breakfast to start counting for End Of Month tomorrow and I couldn't find my glasses. Justin helped me move furniture because I couldn't find them and they were in the chair the whole time. 

At first I was anxious because I couldn't find my glasses. After we found them, I became anxious because we found them in such an obvious spot. I realized once again "Hey! I need help dealing with this!" And I thought, "Like everything else, we'll get there."

I cried for 5 minutes in my car and then went to work and pretended like nothing ever happened. I needed a moment of peace today and that came in the form of iced coffee and sitting in the sun. Therapy would be awesome right now, but I'm happy I've also developed my own coping methods. 

We'll get there. Eventually. (And you will too!)

snapshots

Everything is a photo op. 

I was driving to Dairy Queen tonight and was stopped at a stoplight. The way the light was filtering through the trees on the next block up made me swoon. "Everything is a photo op" swam through my head. 

I have held this mindset before. The first time was when I discovered photography as a coping mechanism. A camera might as well have been a third limb at that point. I loved what I was doing. I loved the release that came from taking pictures and and the calm that came from playing with them in a bootlegged version of Photoshop. 

My first 365 taught me how to channel this feeling and put it out into the world. I was taking a picture of myself every single day for a year. When inspiration ebbed, that attention to detail and wanting to capture everything caused a shift in me: suddenly, everything was interesting and I had an endless stream of photos to choose from each day. Those days were my favorite, chasing the setting sun home to relax and edit photos. I was excited about what I was doing and I wanted it to last forever. 

Things changed when I started working at the studio. Photography changed for me big time—making it a job took the fun out of it for me when I got home. When it felt like I was lost, I noticed light and the way it danced across my bedroom walls. That's when I knew I could never give this up.

Life now feels very full. I think I've found that balance between a "stable" life and my creative ebb and flow. Life feels colorful and happy and full, and I'm so happy my pictures taken over the last month show that. 

an afternoon walk

currently, may edition

laughing at these two goons running around the house chasing each other all the time

drinking vanilla coke instead of dr pepper when I drink soda 

working all memorial day weekend

treating myself to caramel moo latte's from DQ for an afternoon pick me up

refusing to believe Sara Ramirez (aka the fabulous Callie Tores) is leaving Grey's (insert all the crying emojis here)

waiting for towels and blankets to be done in the dryer

folding work clothes and tshirts

dreading having to match socks

craving pretty much anything from Adrian's 

loving the unofficial start to summer 

man, I love the sky

dear justin,

I love the way you notice when knitting gets brought up in tv shows because it reminds you of me. 

I love that you usually let me get my way. Like if it's raining and my car windows are down and I'm lazy (which is a lot) you grab my keys and roll my windows up the next time you get up. 

I love when you leave a pile of cigarettes by my work stuff so I don't have to make them when I wake up. 

I love being at work when you're there, because it doesn't feel like work. 

I love that you got me into Deadliest Catch and that now Tuesday nights are tied with Thursday nights in the spring for the best TV. 

I love scrolling through On Demand when we're bored. More often than not we end up watching The Simpsons and I scroll through Instagram while you play Forge of Empires. 

I love how you always know just what to say to calm me down when I have the freak out to end all freak outs. 

I love that you automatically go for the back rub when I'm sick or upset. 

I love how gentle you are with the cats. It makes me excited to see how good of a dad you'll be someday. 

I love that you make fun of my awkwardness and I make fun of your forgetfulness. 

I love belly laughing with you over something stupid. 

I love doing life with you, and I can't wait to spend the rest of forever together.  

tuesday thankful

Good things: Tuesday's are my Saturday's. I went for a walk this morning. My neighbors have pretty orange flowers growing outside their house. I have a QUART of Gevalia iced coffee (seriously, the container is bigger than my head). It feels like summer outside. We get a new episode of Deadliest Catch tonight. 

Happy Tuesday!

--------

It's been a long day. 

A 4 am wake up call after a night of restless, anxiety ridden sleep. Someone called in at work. I tried not to cry as I scooped shakes because my anxiety is crippling me again. I took a 5 hour nap when I got home from work, hoping it would make me feel better. I woke up feeling less tired (surprisingly), but still sad. Maybe tomorrow will be better. That's all I can hope for right now anyway. 

friday night flower hunting

the great hair crisis 2k16

I need a haircut. Badly. 

The last time I got a hair cut was three years ago in August. I cut my hair myself with kitchen scissors in the room Justin and I shared in his parents house. It was crooked and horrible and I never got it evened out. 

A couple of months ago, I got the crazy idea to go blonde. My natural hair color is dirty blonde. I haven't dyed my hair since early August 2015. But I have almost 5 years of shitty red box dye to color over and not a lot of money to do so. The cheapskate in me wants to just let it grow and get it chopped, but the impatient side of me wants instantaneous results. 

I'm stuck. I almost wanna go buy a box of Color Oops BUT I also don't want my hair to brassy and damaged forever because of it. 

So... Hair crisis. Gotta love it. Have you went from red to blonde before? Share your story! 

find your bliss

This morning I woke up at 9:30. My mission for the day was to a) find coffee, and b) go to Kmart to get Justin a new charger for his Kindle.

I wandered around Kmart for half an hour, looking at all the flowers outside. It took me 10 minutes to find Justin's charger because all I could find that weren't $20+ were iPhone chargers (go figure). I grabbed new mascara and a hairbrush for me. The checkout lady was super friendly and sounded sincere when she told me to "Have a great day!"

I went through mcd's drive thru to get a $2 iced coffee and from there went to the park. One of my favorite little traditions on nice days is getting iced coffee and going to sit under the pavilion at South Park. The sun felt nice on my face. The birds were singing and there was a nice breeze. 

Find your bliss, I thought. 

Find the things that make you happy and then do them. Do the things you have to do, obviously, but then make time for the things that fill you up. You have to eat, sleep, go to work, shower, keep the house clean. After that you get to choose what you want to do.

Listen to happy music. Start a new project. Call your best friend. Call your parents! Go for a drive. Take pictures. Find some flowers. Do whatever feels right to you. 

It was nice to sit in the sunshine this morning and have my one little word whisper in my ear. 

Happy Wednesday. Go find your bliss. 

an evening in the sky

easy like sunday morning

When I worked at the studio, I would always drink coffee in bed and listen to Sunday Morning by Maroon 5 while I read PostSecret. I gave myself an hour before I had to get ready for work to chill and wake up before I started my more-often-than-not hectic workday. It was my emotional solace before getting verbally abused by parents who weren't happy with their crying child's photos. 

(And between you & me, Blogland, I NEVER want to go back to that ever ever EVER AGAIN.)

These days, my Sunday mornings look a lot different. I don't (usually) get to have a lazy Sunday morning like everyone on Instagram. I'm up before the sun to open the store I work at where I serve the people who get to have lazy Sunday's. 

I get up at 4 AM. My first alarm goes off at 3:30 and it's a hit or miss as to whether or not I get up on the first try. I still read PostSecret every Sunday morning, but more often than not my blog reading is accompanied by half a can of Dr. Pepper instead of my good friend coffee. I put my hair up, make cigarettes, get dressed and I'm out the door. But I always make sure to give myself at least half an hour of "alone time" every morning. 

Work today didn't go terrible (surprise, surprise for a Sunday) and the light this morning was good. I love morning so much. 

tee gee eye eff

I am obviously addicted to this Polaroid border (thank you afterlight!) and today is Friday the 13th. I worked this morning and then brought work home with me to do tonight. It's been a very rainy and BLAH day, which makes for a very BLAH Anna. Hope to turn that around tomorrow. Happy weekend!

quiet.

6:46 am. I was on my way out the door before work. I grabbed my phone out of my pocket to take this picture, feeling the quiet of the damp morning and appreciating how everything smelled like rain and dirt and SPRING. I put my phone back in my pocket, made my way off the deck, and then I slipped in mud walking to my car. 

At least I had this one quiet moment to remember all day. Happy Thursday!

59 & cloudy

rain makes you better

The thunderstorms outside matched the storms inside my person. 

My original plan today was "Do not pass go, do not collect $200, stay in bed." Which worked out fabulously until we needed milk. And then Justin said, "Can you go get some ice cream too?" I begrudgingly swapped my pj pants for jeans and went out in the rain.

I always forget how good rain is.

It reminds me of summers dancing on the sidewalk with my cousins, running up and down in the puddles collecting in the driveway. All the chalk washed down the pavement, our hopscotch games and rainbows all a distant memory. I'm an advocate for dancing in the rain, but there always comes a point where you get too cold. My favorite part is always the hot shower and warm blankets afterward. 

It reminds me of days spent waiting under the shelter at the pool. If there was no lightening in 10 minutes, we could swim in the rain until our parents came to get us. My cousins and I used to hang out on the playground equipment if we didn't feel like going home yet. We played many a game of "I Hear Wood Chips!" on that slippery jungle gym and went home for dinner soaked to the bone, but happy. 

It reminds me of all the best water fights I've ever had. When I was a kid, I used to do community theater. Our last cast party of the kids show was always a water fight. The first time it happened, we used garden hoses and buckets. Anything was fair game. By 2007, we had super soakers and water balloons and a thunderstorm decided to make the mud puddles all the better for sliding in. It was the best way to kiss one of my favorite childhood traditions goodbye with some of the people who still remain super close to me. 

It reminds me of living on the top floor of Turner House at SCAD and using my camera to get all the good bokeh behind the raindrops in the city lights. It reminds of nights spent in the laundry room, listening to the rain and people out on smokers bridge while I studied for art history and waited for my clothes. It reminds me of the night we found a palmetto bug in my dorm room and killed it with hairspray and my roommates 6-inch silver heels. 

It reminds me of the first week Justin and I met. He walked me to work in the rain one morning and kissed me goodbye at Adrian's back door. I remember counting down the minutes because rainy days are always slow in the frozen custard business. I couldn't wait for dry socks, a warm bed, and to be with the boy who loves me. 

Today the rain reminded me that storms are good. Storms bring change and greener grass, bigger flowers and the best sunsets if you time it just right. Today was the best day I have had in the last two weeks. And I have rain to thank for it. 

mercury is in retrograde

I'm literally counting the days until Mercury comes out of retrograde. (If you're wondering, there are 13 days!) That's really just a fancy way of saying LIFE SUCKS RIGHT NOW, and I can't wait for things to get better.

I feel like I should be appreciating this season in my life like I try to appreciate the rest of it, but honestly? I'm fed up with it. Something is either going wrong at work or home or God forbid, BOTH. Someone calls in for their shift. The pipes start to leak and flood the basement. The computers go down at work. The pipes back up into the toilet and shower. NOWHERE IS SAFE. 

It feels like nobody can catch a break these days. I'm exhausted from the last two weeks and if given the option, I would like to sleep for approximately the next 13 days. ;)

Tomorrow is a new day. (My day off!) I can only hope I won't wake up anxious like I have the last few days. I'm sure I'll have plenty to report. (If not, just assume something happened to my internet connection too. Damn Mercury...)

blue sky blooms

6:52 am

flower therapy

When you're having a bad week, the best form of therapy is to grab your camera and go find some flowers. For 20 blissful minutes, be quiet and surrounded by everything you love: flowers, fresh air, color, light, and shapes. Forget that you have a $6000 3-week deadline looming over your head. Forget that you woke up this morning to an inch of free standing water in the basement. Forget your anxiety and all of your problems for a little bit and be surrounded by the little things that make you happy. Then file that feeling away for the next time you need it. You'll thank yourself for it later.