thoughts that could probably be tweets.*

*and have been (or might be), at some point, over the 11 years I have been on twitter.
**I also must say that I much prefer blogging over twitter as an archiving tool, so here we go!

You ever have one of those moments where you look around (or scroll through your archives) and you just kinda sit there speechless and in awe of everything you've ever done? I was just scrolling through my website blog and seeing everything that I've been working on since Hardee's, since before I quit there even, made me feel a sense of, "wow, I am really doing this."

And also, "I can't believe I built this. I built this. With blood and sweat and tears and my own two freakin' hands."

I keep saying 2019 was a dream come true. And it was. It really was. 2019, through the blasto and all the waiting and the hard seasons, showed me that I can do this. I can fulfill this dream of mine, and even though I only photographed two weddings, they helped me build my portfolio so that I can photograph TEN weddings this year!

I'm still trying to figure out how to balance deadlines and schedules when the thick of my wedding season doesn't even begin until June. 2019 showed me that I had it in me to do what it takes to get my feet off the ground. 2020 will be a test of my will-power and time management and the, "Do I have what it takes to live this dream full time?"

Picking up my camera again was me giving myself permission to feel joy again after denying myself the thing that I knew made my world go round for so long. I tried so long to stifle the dream because a man made me believe that I wasn't deserving of it. It took me so long to realize that that, amongst other things, was not love. Picking up my camera again was, in a way, me coming back to myself too.

Now it feels like I am picking up right where I left off in 2012 — except, this time, I have shifted gears from seniors to weddings. I am so excited to see where this year takes me, and I will not let my anxiety dictate the amount of joy that I get from running around with my camera and my dream clients.