January 31, 2014

my childhood bedroom

My childhood bedroom is empty, devoid of all evidence that I used to inhabit that space in the first place. The dresser that used to hold my clothes, from infancy to adulthood, sits in the corner. My mattress and box spring were leaning against my closet doors and now they’re in my adulthood apartment. One lonely photograph of Lake Forest College from senior year, the glow in the dark stars I stuck on the ceiling when I was eleven, the scratches on the wall from when I had guinea pigs are the only fragments left of my 20 years in this space.

It’s disheartening to realize that every memory you’ve ever had only exists in your head, regardless of where it was. The light still shines the same through the lace curtain onto the purple walls that my mom painted when I was eight, but places only hold things, light and shadow, remnants of spills and messes. They don’t remember the late nights fueled by junk food & caffeine, the all nighters my friends & I were famous for pulling, the first time I had a boy in my room. Those walls don’t remember the afternoons gathered around the tv, watching my cousins play the play station. Those walls don’t remember the first time I got my heart broken and how many nights I cried into my pillows. My room has been the stage for so many of my childhood memories, and now all it’s been reduced to is four purple walls and a single window with a lace curtain.

January 26, 2014

Sage Lucas, 6 months

While I was home last week, Noelle and I did a small 6 month photoshoot with Sage in the guest bedroom. Noelle wanted a mommy, baby, and auntie photo so I included an outtake and the final one we got. I'm such a proud auntie. Sage is the cutest baby I know.

January 25, 2014

week three

Wednesday I got my gallbladder taken out. My mom came and stole me for a week and it seems like every time I go to Burlington lately, I'm conflicted on the idea of home. I spent a lot of time in my empty childhood bedroom this week (more on that in a later post). I got to see my best friends, had a cute photoshoot with Noelle & Sage (photos coming tomorrow!), ran around like a hoodlum with Bryce. It was a good week spent at home.

January 21, 2014

currently, january edition

recovering from gallbladder surgery

missing justin & waupaca while i'm home

eating a lot of my mom's cooking... pancakes, homemade soup, & zucchini bread just to name a few

reading the fishing lines of loneliness by hannah brencher, fabulous read

enjoying a quiet recovery at home

obsessing over my empty childhood bedroom

cuddling with my dog every night

surviving another mini ~polar vortex~ this week

collecting thrift store coffee mugs

wearing the crap out of my black rose lipstick by flower by drew barrymore

searching for the perfect calendar for my office

planning a shop my closet type auction on instagram (deets coming soon!)

getting my butt in gear & getting organized for 2014

January 17, 2014

January 16, 2014

hospital stay.

Story time! Right before Christmas, I got really sick. Diarrhea, puking, a fever, the whole nine yards. My stomach was throbbing with an intense cramping pain that would eventually go all the way around to my back. I was miserable. I got sick again on Christmas Day. And then I got sick again on New Year's Eve and essentially started 2014 in the ER. I was diagnosed with a UTI, prescribed some antibiotics, and sent on my way. On January 9th, I found myself back in the ER with the same symptoms. They gave me a "GI cocktail" that had lidocaine in it to numb my stomach, took 6 vials of blood, and concluded there was nothing wrong with me, but I should probably take an antacid. Tuesday morning I woke up in pain, again. I called the hospital this time instead of going straight to the emergency room because I didn't want another quick fix. I saw a doctor, they ran tests, did an ultrasound of my abdomen, had a pelvic exam & got cultures taken. I sat in waiting rooms for hours and waited by the phone for the hospital to call me back so I could know what was wrong with me.

My gallbladder had a gallstone lodged in its neck and was getting infected. I had surgery on Wednesday afternoon, and spent all of last night in the hospital. It took the nurse almost an hour to find a vein to put my IV in, and then the vein blew so she called the anesthesiologist and he found a vein without even trying. The surgeon and scrub nurses were laughing when I brought up all my Grey's Anatomy knowledge, and I was laughing when they put me under. I have a triangle of incisions in my belly and one in my belly button. I wandered a lot, carting my IV with the crappy wheels around everywhere with me, doing laps around the ICU to get me moving. Justin came to see me for a little bit last night and brought Lemondrop, the rabbit I've slept with since I was a child, so I wouldn't get too lonely.

Situations like this always remind of all the good people I have in my life. My mother was worried sick, and she's coming to steal me for a few days tomorrow. She kept my loved ones updated, and prayed and prayed that everything would be okay. My padre drove 3 hours today to pick me up from the hospital, and we ran errands like going to fill my prescription and running up to work to give them my doctor's note; he drove all that way to see me for only a few hours, and I love my dad so much. My friends are so supportive, texting me constantly to make sure I'm okay, entertaining me with snapchats, and always reminding me that they love me.

I'm so grateful for all the good in my life. I'm thankful for modern medicine and wonderful doctors and nurses who give me extra ice chips. I'm overjoyed that I won't be in pain anymore, once I heal, and 2014 can really rock my socks off.

January 13, 2014

slow down the time

Sweater: old American Eagle, Dress: Target, Leggings: Walmart, Boots: Gift, Necklace: Thrifted

I almost fell down the hill you have to climb to get to this clearing, and then almost fell again on my way down. My closet is uninspiring lately... I think that means it's time for a closet purge. Would anyone be interested if I did a shop my closet type sale?

January 12, 2014

vulnerable (nsfw)

The word vulnerable has been on my mind lately... I need to relearn how to be soft with the world, to break down my walls and feel free. It goes hand in hand with Unafraid. So I'm starting a project called vulnerable selfies on Instagram. Follow along & use #letsgetvulnerable to share your vulnerability with me!

These photos are so important to me. This year feels a lot like 2011 to me, and I wanted to recreate this photo I took that summer. Life feels soft, like change is coming, and I'm so excited.

(Week 2 of my 52 weeks project)

January 04, 2014


Sweater: Thrifted, Jeans: Walmart, Necklace: Grandma, Lipstick: Wild Rose by Flower

I thrifted this sweater when I went home over Christmas. It reminds me of something my grandma would wear, so wearing the pearl necklace she gave me just seemed very fitting. (2/10 in my ugly sweater collection)

It's cold, guys. Like Monday it's supposed to feel like -60* FAHRENHEIT. But there's something about photographing in winter that I love... Even though it's cold and I can never feel my fingers by the time I'm done shooting, I always feel so refreshed after a good shoot in the snow.

January 01, 2014

living unafraid

My one little word for the year was tested already today. I made a visit to the emergency room after throwing up and some really intense abdominal and lower back pain this morning. After 6 hours, 3 needle pokes, and a whirlwhind of a morning, I have a UTI.

Today was my first adult doctor visit. The first time I had to go to the hospital without my mom being 5 minutes away. I hate hospitals, I hate needles, and I hate doctors, but I knew that if I didn't go I would have been miserable all day. My emotions are running high, and I'm afraid of what the next few weeks might hold. Unafraid, so far you are serving me well.

I've also decided to embark on another 52 weeks project this year! You can see the one I completed in 2011 here. Consider this Week 1.