a love letter to my one little word

CARE, you now join the ranks of UNAFRAID, UP, and CHOOSE. Since I started doing the One Little Word exercise in 2014, I've always viewed my word as more of a guide throughout the year. Unafraid was about looking fear in the face and owning up to all of my wrongdoings. Up was my desperate attempt to keep my head above water in the wake of my world dropping out from underneath me in early 2015. Up transformed into looking for little, happy things all around me: something that saved me when my grandma died in October of that year. 2016 was all about making an effort to shift where my attitude was going. Choose taught me how to love my people better, and also gave me a lesson in asking for help when grief came knocking on the door.

This year, I picked Care as an attempt to wrangle the anxiety beast that lives in my head. Self-care was at the forefront of making Care my word for the year. Learning and living with grief and how to manage it is something I'm still struggling with after losing my dad and my grandma less than a year apart from each other. Care always popped into my head when grief lowered my guard.

"Take a shower," it whispered. "The hot water will make you feel better."

"Get the feelings out," it urged. "Write. Take pictures. Knit. Go for a walk. Make something just for fun. Don't keep all those feelings bottled up inside."

I learned how to trust my gut this year.

I asked for help when I needed it.

I looked scary, downright terrifying things in the face this year and survived.

The best part about 2017, though, is that I finally learned how to say "No" and mean it. Care has been all about me rediscovering my voice this year—and putting it to good use.

I spoke up when someone or something made me uncomfortable. I voiced my opinion on things when I would have normally just stayed silent and on the sidelines. Some of my favorite essays this year have been the product of asking questions and getting to the bottom of the How and Why in the way certain things happen. 

Care, you have been so good to me this year. I will carry you into 2018 with all of the habits and little victories you have taught me along the way. 

In 2018, I want to live with INTENT. Trying to be present in the moment. Being mindful of how much time I'm spending mindlessly scrolling vs. actually being productive. Go on more adventures and do more things just for fun. Intent, you and I are in for quite the ride.

Care, you have been so good to me. Farewell, my friend.