Eric and Heather's wedding was such a dream to photograph. Their colors were springy and refreshing, and I'm so happy the weather cooperated after forecasting thunderstorms and rain earlier in the week. Congratulations, guys!
May 30, 2018
May 26, 2018
sunshine & self portrait therapy
Dress: Thrifted, Coffee Mug: Anthropologie
Spending 20 minutes in the sunshine with your coffee does actual wonders for your attitude after a week where all you can do is wonder when the burn out is going to set in. I'm back to working 6 days a week until McDonald's opens again (probably), and after that, I'm shooting a wedding and then I'm in a wedding the weekend after that. I'm forecasting that the next time I will get any actual sleep is in mid-July, after the holiday weekend and Car Show.
Find the joy during busy seasons of your life.
Week 6/52
May 22, 2018
refill the fun tank
A weekend getaway is always a good idea. Especially if it involves a quick 24 hour trip to Burlington to see my family and friends. The last time I was home was Christmas! After a looooong week at work, this trip was just what I needed to refill the fun tank.
My mom made BBQ chicken on the grill after I came home hangry Saturday afternoon. I went to the cemetery to see my dad and grandma and sit in the quiet for a while and then took a drive around Burlington to see everything that’s changed (and everything that hasn’t!). Channeling my inner-seventeen-year-old-self, I drove out to the old fish hatchery and took self-portraits on the bridge for my 52 Weeks. My mom and I talked at the kitchen counter like we did every night when I was a teenager. It’s comforting that some routines just stick with the passing of time.
This morning, my aunt and uncle took me out for what I’m calling my belated birthday breakfast. I took a much-needed nap when I got home, and then Noelle came over for a little bit. I showed her my maid of honor dress after my mother made me parade around the house in it the night before like I was back in high school going to prom again. We talked wedding stuff for hours and I’m so excited to watch my person marry the love of her life. Now I just have to figure out which embarrassing moments to call out during my speech!
We went to Adrian’s before I left town because it’s never a real trip to Burlington unless Adrian’s is involved. That little custard stand will always be a little lonely without Betty there, but it will always be home. (Brig, what’s a girl gotta do to get her hands on a Betty shirt?) Noelle’s fiancé and boys met up with us there and it was nice to spend time with them. Ten minutes after I got back to Waupaca, I texted her “I miss you already” like I’m not gonna see her in 4 weeks anyway.
Trips home are always so good for my soul. Bring on the next 27 days so I can get dressed up and DANCE with my people.
Week 5/52
May 15, 2018
May 14, 2018
currently, may edition
taking walks around the back yard every morning
waiting v impatiently for the pink trees to bloom
working 6 days a week since May started
feeling exhausted and cranky and on the edge of burn out
desperately seeking a day off to get caught up on photo editing
drinking a lot of coffee to get through the day
looking forward to a trip home this weekend
counting down the days to my best friend’s wedding (33!)
hoping a cute pair of gold shoes will fall into my lap for my maid of honor duties
watching naruto shippuden with Justin & gypsy by myself
trying to be gentle with myself during this season of “go-go-go-go”
reminding myself to honor the past in order to change the future
May 12, 2018
an act of self-preservation
Every day this week, I have cried big fat stress tears into my morning cup of coffee. I keep saying the same things over and over again, hoping that things will get better. That maybe this time things will actually be different than any of all the other bullshit that has happened in the last five years that I have spent in fast food. All it takes is work ethic to fix the problems at hand. A propensity to actually do the things you say you're going to do when you say you're going to do it. All it takes is the ability to actually follow through on a problem instead of spewing empty promises and treating the people who work for you like babysitters, and then wondering why everyone is angry and snapping all the time and threatening to walk out on their shifts every day.
In the words of Tegan and Sara, "Let go, and move on/We're strangers, we're not friends/I hate this. And I hate them." I hate waking up every day and crying. I hate the pit that forms in my stomach as I watch the hours tick by without my permission on the days I have to work. Every minute the clock gets closer to 3pm, my heart starts beating stronger and the anxiety beast in my head gets its megaphone ready. When does the self-preservation instinct kick in? How do you know when enough is enough and throw in the towel? How do you access that kind of courage to let go and leave behind the community you've grown so comfortable in, as well as a steady paycheck, in order to chase your own dreams?
Peaceful moments come in waves. This morning, after waking up ungodly early and once again crying into my coffee cup after a barrage of passive-aggressive messages from one of my higher-ups at work, I took my morning walk to appreciate the sunlight that I don't often get to appreciate anymore. I finished up a load of laundry and took a shower, a reminder to be gentle with myself at times like this when my tender heart is stirred with rage which later turns to sadness and self-loathing. Taking pictures in the backyard for half an hour made me forget about Hardee's for a little while. The only times that I feel that pure, unfiltered sense of joy pour through my heart lately is when I am taking pictures. Even sitting in front of my laptop for three or four hours a day editing wedding pictures doesn't feel like work because I love what I'm doing.
Fight for what is precious to you. Do whatever it takes to keep your own well-being preserved and intact. You will come out stronger on the other side.
Week 4/52
May 08, 2018
have the nerve to become
I bought a new pair of sneakers, hastily threw together an all-black outfit, and photographed my first wedding of the season on Saturday. I took a little breather after family pictures at the church to take these on the edge of parking lot. 5 minutes of Self Portrait Therapy, and I was ready for wedding party pictures at the park and navigating Oshkosh's 3 million roundabouts. Ended the night with achy feet and jelly legs and slightly emotional after the parent dances, but also feeling on top of the world. When you feel like the work you're doing matters, it makes you try harder to become the person you've always wanted to be.
This is just the beginning.
Week 3/52
May 02, 2018
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