practice makes better

Sometimes I forget about the days when my camera literally used to be attached to my hand. I knew it inside out and frontward and backward. I need to get that sense of familiarity back with my new camera, and the only way to do that is to use the dang thing more and not be so intimidated by it. Take more pictures of my everyday life. Practice what I can for actual shoots just using random objects around my house. Say to my friends, "Hey, do you guys wanna get dressed up and we can go take pictures for fun?" like I used to before life got messy and adulthood complicated everything.

I'm trying to be okay with posting these pictures even though they're not technically ~the best~ or whatever stupid comparison game my brain is trying to make me play. My perfectionist tendencies lay dormant until moments like this come up, and then they bombard my brain with, "This isn't in focus" and "You can do better than this."

All I can think about is when I used to play the clarinet in middle school. I hated practicing. I would put it off and put it off. I went from being first chair clarinet in sixth-grade band to being the sixth chair in seventh-grade band. The difference was that summer, my clarinet sat in its case and collected dust. I didn't practice anymore. I quit. Threw in the towel. Gave up and moved onto choir when I went into high school (and now I'm lucky if I even sing in the car anymore).

The major setback now is the follow through. How many projects have I started in the past year and not finished? (Don't answer that.) How many scrapbooks, knitting projects, journals, etc. are just sitting around collecting dust because of my inability to see something through to completion? (Answer: too many to disclose.) What is it about finishing projects that's so hard for me? Why is practicing always the last thing on my to-do list, but I can make time to scroll through Instagram and Twitter 7000 times every day?

I think the most important thing I've learned in the last few months is that we make time for the things that bring us joy. If I want to get better at taking pictures, I have to be willing to bring my camera out and actually use it, whether it's just taking pictures of my coffee in the morning or going out to take self-portraits now that I no longer spend every sunset serving overpriced fast food to crabby people. You have to go out and put in the work in order to see results, with just about damn near everything in life.

I am vowing right now to use my big camera more. Stop playing the comparison game in my head. Do the work. Practice makes better.